How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
