it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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