Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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