I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
