I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
