if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
