its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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