I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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