I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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