Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My liver just had a heart attack.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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