Betty ford says i'm here all night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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