All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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