I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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