U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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