You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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