Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
