I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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