worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
