I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
