i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
