I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize