Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
