you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Randomize
