I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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