Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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