OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
