it glows. i had to have it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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