how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
