His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
