Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
