I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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