Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
