WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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