I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
