im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so let's talk penis.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
