a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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