In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
