Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
