is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
