I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
did you just send me my own nude
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
