She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she peed on how many people?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I stole a fireplace last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
