I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
