I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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