with your own penis?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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