I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
