her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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