Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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