I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
