so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
