girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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