I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
they need to just BURY HIM!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
