He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
