i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You were trust falling into bushes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
