Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
