Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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