I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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