Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
