we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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