I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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