I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize