i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They took my balls.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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