your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
