Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Panties = found
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
