if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
