Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
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Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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