Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
