You're my little dorito
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
