in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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