she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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