what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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